“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” – Muhammad Ali
Quote of the Day
“I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.” – W.B. Yeats
Quote of the Day
“A frog in a well knows nothing of the ocean.”
Quote of the Day
“If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” African proverb
Quote of the Day
“Change and progress very rarely are gifts from above. They come out of struggles from below.” – Noam Chomsky
My Happiness Project: Marriage
MARCH
Resolutions:
1. Send daily “love” texts
2. Track my appreciation
3. Turn towards
4. Ask for what I need
When developing my resolutions for March, I referred back to my Twelve Commandments. Revisiting these guiding values helped me craft resolutions that I think will make me happier in my marriage. Commandments like “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you,” “Be patient,” and “Ask for what you need” inspired these resolutions.
SEND DAILY “LOVE” TEXTS
This resolution was a great reminder that repeating a behavior will eventually lead to a habit. In this case, I have been making a habit of sending my husband a text message each morning when I arrive at work. Before I get out of my car, I take a second to fire off a quick note of appreciation or adoration. Here are some G-rated examples, “I love you! I hope you have a good day. xoxo” and “Thanks for the coffee and smoothie! You’re the best!”
TRACK MY APPRECIATION
At the beginning of the year, I found this great 99 cent journal at Target. I had seen a journal called “One line a day” and had the idea that I would write down one thing I was grateful for each day. This month I wrote one line a day about why I was grateful for my husband. It helped me turned my attention to all the little things that I often overlook when conflict arises.
TURN TOWARDS
According to relationship researcher John Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, people often make “bids” for their partner’s attention and affection. The couples who “turn toward” each other stay emotionally engaged and connected while those who turn away are more likely to divorce. An example of “turning towards” would be when one partner says, “It is suppose to rain tomorrow,” and the other partner responds, “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be sure to bring my umbrella to work,” instead of ignoring the comment and thinking “who cares?”
ASK FOR WHAT I NEED
When I first heard this suggestion for improving marriage, I thought it sounded demanding and selfish. And then I realized that the alternative was NOT asking for what I need and expecting my husband to read my mind. This resolution has been a challenge because so often I’m not even aware that I HAVE a NEED.
One of my twelve commandments was “Ask for what I need.” This is the first resolution I have made that tests this commandment in my daily life.
Read more I’ve written about My Happiness Project Here:
My Happiness Project: Getting Started
My Happiness Project: New Years Resolutions
My Happiness Project: Saving Money (January)
My Happiness Project: Living Healthy (February)
My Happiness Project: Living Healthy
FEBRUARY
Resolutions:
1. Sleep 8 hours/night.
2. Strength train 3 times/week.
3. Drink 16 oz. of water before one meal.
4. Take vitamins.
5. Eat breakfast.
Living Healthy was an admirable resolution for this month, and also an untimely one. My little family spent the first week of this short month with the flu. I took three days off work taking care of my daughter and then spent another 3 days in bed myself. My daughter had a temperature of 105 and was diagnosed with influenza A, and I fell sick shortly thereafter. Fortunately, my husband stayed healthy and was able to care for us! Given this setback, I found it ironic that I was set on focusing on health this month.
SLEEP 8 HOURS/NIGHT
Well, for the first week of this month I probably slept 16 hours/day! My daughter and I literally spent days in bed just cuddling and snoozing. It was great bonding time (after I was reassured that the flu bug was going to pass eventually). However, when my daughter is feeling normal, getting 8 hours of sleep is a challenge because she goes to bed late! By late, I mean 9:30 p.m. or 10 p.m.
I TRY to get her to bed earlier. I have tried starting the bedtime routine earlier, looking for signs of sleepiness (eye rubbing, yawning, grouchy-ness), and setting the bedtime “mood” by turning down lights and doing “calming” activities. The little stinker just isn’t “tired.” She goes strong until 9:30ish and then says, “I’m ready for bed.” And then she’s asleep! She wakes up between 7 a.m. – 8 a.m. so she’s getting plenty of sleep.
“I” on the other hand am not! If my husband and I want any adult time together we have to sneak in an hour or so later in the evening or earlier in the morning. Plus there are the chores, emails, and bills that get pushed off until I can give them my full attention. And if I want to have a shred of hope to blog, read a book, or pick up a magazine that has to wait until the little one is catching her zzz’s. Overall, I’m probably getting a fair amount of sleep – 6-7 hours; but, I’m still making it my goal to get 8 hours or more!!!
STRENGTH TRAIN 3 TIMES/WEEK
I’m proud to say that I implemented this resolution this month! While I didn’t get to the gym 3 times/week (especially the first week), I did meet with a personal trainer and started a strength training program. I also have to give a shout out to my awesome sister who is giving me a free session with her trainer each month!
I have been doing great these past couple weeks and hope I can keep it up. Last night I had a parent meeting, and I literally stopped at the gym after work and got on the treadmill for 16 minutes (and lifted a few weights)! I figured it was better than nothing!
DRINK 16 oz. OF WATER BEFORE ONE MEAL
I love this idea in theory but not so much in practice. I’m lucky if I drink 16 oz. of water AT ALL during the day. I am working hard to create reminders for myself – like keeping my water bottle on my desk – but this one is still a work in progress. I am thinking about getting a plastic water cup with a straw (which seem to be the new “thing” these days), but I’m afraid it will fall by the wayside like my multiple KleanKanteens!
TAKE VITAMINS
I am loving this resolution! I have a huge pill box for the crazy collection of vitamins that my doctor recommended. And, after dinner I have been taking my vitamins with a tall glass of chocolate milk.
EAT BREAKFAST
I have to thank my husband for getting me on track with this resolution! A couple months ago he started drinking smoothies for breakfast. This month he started making enough for both of us. I feel great drinking fresh fruit for breakfast and even luckier that my husband is so thoughtful! I’m not sure which is making me happier – him or the smoothies!?!
Read more I’ve written about My Happiness Project Here:
My Happiness Project: Getting Started
My Happiness Project: New Years Resolutions
My Happiness Project: Saving Money
My Happiness Project: Saving Money
JANUARY
Resolutions:
1. Spend less than $2/day.
2. Bring lunch to work.
3. Drink coffee at home.
4. Buy only used clothes.
SPEND LESS THAN $2/DAY
If you have been following my blog this month, you might already know that I took the No Spend Month challenge and tried to limit all my discretionary spending to less than $50 (not including gas, groceries, utilities, mortgage). I hadn’t planned to start my happiness project by focusing on money, but it was out of necessity to pay off holiday charges and increasing utility bills.
I already use the budget software Mvelopes, but in order to reduce my spending to $50 per month I needed a more specific action item. I also wanted to be able to track my daily progress. I decided that if I spent less than $2, I would get a gold star for the day.
Sticking to my daily budget was a challenge, but it wasn’t impossible. A few minor setbacks at Starbucks and a haircut were the only expenses that I considered frivolous. But, even those were not regrettable.
Although it wasn’t the way I intended to begin my happiness project, I realized it was a good starting place. Money is a necessary means for obtaining food, shelter, and clothing – our basic needs. Anyone familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, or with any common sense, understands that meeting our basic needs is necessary to achieve our full potential. By starting the year debt-free and financially stable, I would be able to focus my energy on pursuing even greater happiness.
BRING LUNCH TO WORK
When I wrote 7 Tips for Staying Out of Debt, I realized that by keeping track of where I was spending my money I could find areas where I was overspending. One of the areas where I overspend is “Eating Out.” There are two main reasons why I eat out – convenience and socializing. I find that when it comes to lunch I eat out more often for convenience.
This resolution required a little more planning and reminded me that often “time is money.” I learned several lessons the first time I took the No Spend Month challenge, and several of these lessons revolved around choice. In this case, I could either take the time to make a lunch or spend the money to buy one.
Bringing my lunch to work made me get creative about making a meal with what I had available. Sure, I frequently brought frozen meals. But a double victory was when I used what I had and brought my lunch!
This month I had the privilege of meeting Jeremy Seifert, the producer of DIVE. One of the shocking statistics mentioned in the movie, which is all about dumpster diving and food waste in America, is that we throw out 96 BILLION pounds of food each year. A passing comment that Jeremy made during his presentation was that we have the luxury of eating whatever we “feel like” This comment made me take pause because so often I open the frig and think there isn’t anything to eat. I decided that binging my lunch to work was as much about saving money as it was about saving food.
DRINK COFFEE AT HOME
Another area where I overspend is buying coffee. I admit I am a Starbucks junkie. I rattle off my adjective-laden order. I own a collection of Starbucks tumblers. I ogle over the seasonal Starbucks bears. And, I overpay.
I could have made the resolution to “Stop spending money at Starbucks” or “Quit buying coffee at coffeeshops,” but I wanted to positively frame my new habits. So, while “Drink coffee at home,” doesn’t exactly capture my desire to stop paying for overpriced coffee, it is a step in the right direction.
What do I love about Starbucks? The consistency, the color green, the lighting, the specialty drinks, free wi-fi, my gold card, the clean restrooms. Lots of other coffee shops have these amenities too (maybe not the color green), and I love them as well! I’m not sure I’m ready to give up coffee shops this year, but I will continue trying to spend less by drinking my coffee at home.
BUY ONLY USED CLOTHES
In the spirit of keeping these resolutions positively framed, I chose the wording “Buy only used clothes” instead of “Don’t buy new clothes.” But basically the idea is to spend less on clothing, which is another area where I overspend. And I am a sucker for online shopping, particularly from Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, Athleta, and Title Nine.
Another reason for this resolution is to maintain simplicity. After my daughter was born, I culled through my wardrobe and bought several great pieces that are timeless and high-quality – clothes that fit and flatter. I feel good about the clothes I have and am trying to be mindful that sometimes having too many options can be stifling – an observation I make in the post “I Need” vs. “I Have.”
In the post 25 Frugal Things I Do, I mention practicing retail therapy only at the Goodwill or other thrift stores. I have a great local consignment shop that takes a lot of my hand-me-downs in exchange for store credit, so when I feel the need to browse I’ll make a trip there and try to bring along some items I no longer wear. This month I’m happy to report that I have $18 in store credit and have purchased no clothing.
Read more I’ve written about My Happiness Project Here:
My Happiness Project: Getting Started
My Happiness Project: New Years Resolutions
My Happiness Project: New Year’s Resolutions
As I embark on my happiness project, here are my Twelve Areas of Focus – the areas I will focus my resolutions around each month. My Twelve Commandments are the principles that I hope will guide me as I attempt to stick to my resolutions. And, my Secrets of Adulthood are the lessons I have learned that will inspire me and keep me motivated.
Twelve Areas of Focus:
1. Money
2. Health
3. Marriage
4. Parenthood
5. Attitude
6. Work
7. Friendship
8. Family
9. Spirtuality
10. Community
11. Intellect
12. Laughter
Twelve Commandments:
1. Seek first to understand.
2. Lead with intention.
3. Quit taking it personally.
4. Don’t put off to tomorrow what can be done today.
5. Replace “but” with “and.”
6. View challenges as opportunities.
7. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
8. Do great in the small things.
9. Ask for what you need.
10. Live for today.
11. Be patient.
12. Enjoy the journey.
Secrets of Adulthood:
1. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
2. Anyone can give up. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.
3. The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.
4. And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
5. Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will never be shortened. Happiness never ceases by being shared.
6. Don’t water your weeds.
7. Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.
8. Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the ways things turn out.
9. The brook would lose its song if you removed the rocks.
10. There is more than one right way.
11. Nothing is funny without humor.
12. The days are long, but the years are short.
13. It will all be ok in the end, if it’s not ok it’s not the end.
14. What is meant to be will be.
15. What doesn’t break you makes you stronger.
16. You get what you expect.
17. Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you.
18. I will prepare myself and someday my chance will come.
19. What seems to be in the way is the way.
20. Things ain’t what they used to be and never were.
21. It’s all about relationships.
22. Everything in moderation.
23. This too shall pass.
24. You can do it all, but you can’t to it all at the same time.
My Happiness Project: Getting Started
I started the year off by reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.
Gretchen spent an entire year implementing resolutions each month that she suspected would increase her happiness. She tried organizing, eating healthier, making new friends, and dozens of other strategies. She shares her experience candidly, and I think what I liked most about the book is that Gretchen recognizes she already has a pretty good life but she is interested in making it that much better. It was a fun book to read and inspired me to create new year’s resolutions and stick with them! Get a flavor of the book and some helpful tools from the Happiness Project Toolbox.
Part of my intrigue about her happiness project was that Gretchen focused on small acts which improved her overall quality of life. She started by identifying the things that brought her joy, satisfaction, and engagement, as well as guilt, anger, boredom, and remorse. Then, she made resolutions by identifying the concrete actions that would boost her happiness.
As she worked to identify her resolutions, she discovered some overarching principles, which she calls the “Twelve Commandments.” These Twelve Commandments were like mantras that kept her focused on completing her resolutions. For example, “Be Gretchen,” and “Let it go.” She also came up with a list of “Secrets to Adulthood,” like “People don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think.” These were life lessons she had learned and had finally come to embrace.
After I read Gretchen’s book, I started my own Happiness Project. I wasn’t sure how much traction it would get with all the other projects I have going on in my life, but I am still feeling excited. So, I decided I need to start blogging about it. My list of focus areas for the year, commandments, and secrets to adulthood will be posted tomorrow.
